Knowing that today is the last day of 2008. I feel extremely sad. and in tears because whatever happened this year was really a painful journey for me. Till now, I'm still not strong enough to move on. To tell you the truth, I don't wanna leave this all behind. I don't want to move forward. But I have to ='(

Let's start chronologically.

January
Early week of January, I was in Kota Kinabalu. I stayed there from December for two weeks. With Bob & Theo. Part of me was having a regret because I didn't spend my new year in Brunei. That caused an issue. Sigh. This month was GCE A Levels was released. I remember I was with Haqim, Yuli and Nigel that time because I came back from ITB Career Day. Then, Haqim received a message from his sister about results. I got ADDb. My reaction was .... I don't know whether to be happy or sad. I was indifferent. A part of me was envious because I didn't do well. I remember how my dad responded to my results. He was like "That's it. Why 'D'? Why not 'B'?" Sigh.

February
Busy with unversity applications. Scholarships, UBD and ITB. Damn tiring. UCAS this and that. V-day was there and anniversary. Just because of these applications. I couldn't spend it well. What's the memory? nothing.

March, April
Nothing. Just growing anggur.

May
Interviews. Sheesh. I f*cked up.

June
Results of Scholarship. Obviously didnt get it. I was depress this whole month.

July
Hangout with my friends. UBD orientation. Wth just take it. I get to know the sad news this months and only 2&1/2 months left.

August
SAS Anniv (I didn't attend) -> orientation. A month and half left. Darn I could stop crying that time. Trying my best to spend as much as I could but it's impossible. With departure in and out. Birthdays. Both of our birthday. I had fun. It was the best in this year so far.

September
His departure. The worst month of my life. I completely lost myself till now. My friends left for further studies. I miss them all. I really miss you guys. Life isn't the same ='(

October, November
BUSY BUSY BUSY. Trying to torture myself so I would not think. It still hurts. Truth slowly emerged. Raya.

December
UBD Exams. Christmas. Here I am. Still alive. Still lost.

***********************

Obviously I'm lazy to think. It hurts to think back. Overall, my year really really not welcoming. I'm sorry guys I'm acting like this. I wanna stop pretending but I couldn't help it. I wanna open up but I couldn't do that anymore.

Anyways, I wanna thank all of you for being there for me. I wanna apologise for all the wrong and hurt I've caused. Especially to someone. It is my fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being rude, selfish, self-centred, mean and all. Sorry guys.